I’ve always been a bit of a vigilante. Vigilante Brandy, it’s what they call me. Well, they is really me. I call me that. Look, that’s not important. What IS important is that I am not afraid to be the long arm of the law.
I have a good friend who has a little boy who I love dearly. He is in kindergarten at the same school as my kids. He attends an afterschool program there at the school. Today, I went to pick up my kids, and as I was pulling into the carpool line, I noticed her little boy (I’ll call him David), walking hand in hand with a woman outside of the school. I thought to myself “Is that David? Who is he with? Where’s he going?” All questions I got from watching CSI. I used my trained eagle eyes and watched as this woman, a seemingly innocent looking woman, dragged David while he kicked and screamed. I mean, he wasn’t EXACTLY kicking and screaming, but I reasoned that maybe he was intimidated, like she had whispered menacingly in his ear “Come with me kid and don’t make a sound see, or there’s gonna be trouble!”. Because she was also from a 1940’s gangster film. They started walking towards a white van as I fire off a text to check and see if he’s supposed to be leaving with this drifter. White van. I believe even the manufacturer calls it “kidnapper white”. I was horrified as I saw her open the door and
shove help poor David inside. I didn’t stop, I didn’t think, I just acted. With catlike reflexes, I flew into action and pushed the button to roll down the window. That took awhile. I yelled “Hey David, HEY! Hey! LADY!” and schooled my face to appear intimidating, like Detective Olivia Benson or Professor Snape. But sweet David couldn’t hear me, maybe because of the chloroform. The perp scuttled to the driver’s seat where she tore out of the parking lot. I mean, she had to wait on a couple of buses. And some kids. And that one squirrel that took forever crossing the street, but still. I decided then and there…NOT ON MY WATCH, LADY. I will not go gently into the night.
I pulled out of the carpool line, and decided to follow her. I realized that I could use technology to my advantage, and so I grabbed my phone to dictate to Siri as much information as I could, in case the FBI needed it later. I will say this- Siri? Not so helpful. And if I’m honest- pretty heartless. She couldn’t have cared less about David. I bet she just watches people start forest fires and doesn’t even say a word. She just watches the world burn. We begin following the van…
Me- “Siri, write this down- white ford van, kidnapper white”
Siri- “I can’t write. Would you like me to send a text?”
Me- “No. Make a note- white ford van, kidnapper white”
Siri- “would you like me to look up white corn and kidnapper white?”
Me- “NO! We don’t have time for your games, Siri!”
Siri- “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Would you like me to look up time games in your area?”
Me- “WHITE WOMAN, LONG HOMESCHOOL SKIRT”
Siri- “Don’t be angry.”
Me- “If this child disappears, it’ s gonna be your fault, Siri”
Siri- “You are an idiot.”
Siri didn’t actually say that last part, but she was totally thinking it.
As I followed, my phone buzzed with a text saying “Yes. He has tutoring today.”, so I turned around and went back to the school. I got out and walked up to his teacher and asked her and she confirmed that he leaves the campus for tutoring on Tuesday afternoon which NOBODY HAD INFORMED ME OF SO WHAT I DID WAS HEROIC. Almost.
Spoke with the mom later. Turns out, David goes over to this lady’s house after school for tutoring, along with her other nine homeschooled children. So basically I tried to Walker Texas Ranger Mrs. Duggar.
Clear Eyes. Full Hearts. Chase innocent strangers.
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